after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
