i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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