i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Watching her eat just hurts me
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
