If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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