There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
