I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
