I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
