If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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