laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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