Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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