Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
