Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
