Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
