The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
