yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
