Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
