Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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