so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
