the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
