I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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