About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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