You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
