Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
