some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Randomize
