I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
