Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
