you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We had sex on a dog bed..
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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