Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
