i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
