He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
