I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The best revenge is premature balding
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
