i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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