i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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