He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
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