Nicole vs. Life
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
