Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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