I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
