I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
