addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
