weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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