I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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