My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
