That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Acid is not a monday night drug
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
