Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
