I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
