did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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