Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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