i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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