He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Let's get the cat blown out
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
