I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize