You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
