he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm both gender and math confused
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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