ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
