Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Come share oat with me in your robe
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
