Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize