THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize