How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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