I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
