Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
