you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
