my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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