The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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