the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
