Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
