K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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