Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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