margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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