i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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