Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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