Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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