i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
