no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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