Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
