There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think a kid would responsible me up
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
