Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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