Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
