please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize