i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
