so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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