Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
