508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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